Hats Off To Parents

The other day I was listening to a friend talking about his daughter. Many dads have been shamed for being deadbeats. Not this one. From the way he was speaking, you could tell he was very involved in his daughter's life, and she was his everything. I don't know about you, but when I see a man reminiscing about the times he has spent with his child(ren) I feel as though there is hope in this world. This particular man was a love interest, and he had me thinking about motherhood. I would be raising another lady's child. It would have been a different way to start a family-different from what I had pictured, but I was ready for that experience, as long as it was God's will. It got me thinking about parenthood and how I would fare as a parent. If you are wondering how that turned out, we were just wasting each other's time. But it inspired this post, so it was not so bad, eh? Parents have the hardest job in the world. Yes, it is very gratifying, but as times change, there are different generations, so whatever applied in the 90s and 80s does not quite apply now.

Take for instance, kids under ten. In fact ten is pretty old. There are two year olds with so much intelligence that you are just left bewildered. These are the kids who are very aware of their surroundings and question everything. This is where a child who can see no mother like the other kids have, and when asked to draw her family, she draws herself and her dad. That is family for her and you cannot tell her otherwise. Of course, it is heartbreaking when you get to know why it is just she and her father, but she is strong. She has learnt to get over it. At such a tender age, she knows her family is different from the norm, but it does not deter her from living. She is still that confident and playful two year old whose presence is felt and loved by everyone.

Still on intelligence, I have cousins who are between ten and fourteen years of age. If it were the 90s, someone aged 18 would find it such a chore to be around such young children, but now things are different. It is so refreshing to be around these kids, because you get to see how intelligent they are. I remember my cousin saying "If I were..." Perfect sentence construction. If you think back, at age 8 you said "Me if I was.." And if you are really honest with yourself, you will realise that you still do to date. We call it speaking Kenyanese. Lol. It's a thing. A Kenyan thing. It could be the development of technology, but not quite, I suppose this generation of children is just brilliant! Then the teenagers who speak  beyond their years. It is never a dull moment with them. An afternoon spent with them renews your spirit and you feel young again. God bless these children. Yeah, life has this thing of adding more years to your actual age. 😱 But I digress.

I try to think how my mum taught me about puberty, and I simply do not remember. So how will I do the same when the time comes? I will be that parent who buys books on "Parenting 101" or "How to Parent for Dummies". I am freaking out. Are there classes on how to be a good parent? I need a crash course. How will I know what is going on in the mind of my introverted child? Is he struggling somewhere? Has she been bullied? What about my extroverted baby? Is that bubbly personality a thing she has developed because there is something she is uncomfortable to talk to me about? Is this cool, calm and collected aura he emits a way of screaming for help? Oh, parents, how do you do it? How do you deal with  all these? It must not be easy. You probably spend your waking hours brooding over a statement you children made and wonder what would make them say such a thing. Could it be the teenage years, them just acting out? Every child is different, so you really can't tell.

It breaks your heart when you see your child struggling with academics. You get as many tutors as you can , and the best money can buy. You can do anything to ensure your child gets the best. Well, you only fall short because you want to instill Godly values in your child, so no matter how tempting, you shall not leak the exam questions to them. You got to where you were by working hard, and you want them to learn that they need to work to get what they desire in life. It shall not just be handed over to them on a silver platter. You tell them stories of how you had it rough trying to get to school. Waking up early to milk the cows and running to the dairy everyday. We listen.  Times are different. But the dairy is now school. Many are the times I am going for my morning jog at 6 am and  I come across a tiny boy with a school bag so big he could topple over, crossing the road on his own, getting a Maruti to the main road then probably taking a matatu to school. There are times a lady with a kind heart who will take his hand and help him cross the road. Most times he does this on his own. I don't want to be mean, but surely as a parent  are you so busy you cannot have someone see your child off? It is cold in the morning, but this child has learnt to take care of himself. Motorists drive very badly in our estate. To digress a bit, I had to change my jogging route because motorists were hooting and coming onto the sidewalk driving very fast. So you can imagine this young boy on his own with these mad drivers. It is heartbreaking. I understand that you must provide for your family, but must it be done at the expense of bonding with your children. Everyday I pray that my job or work does not come in between my family and me. I know these parents mean well, but it is quite sad that they have to put work first. I am not one to judge; I know times are hard. I just pray for families like these that they may re-evaluate their priorities, and have a chance to rearrange their schedules for them to have that time to bond.

Then come the high school kids. Pheeew! If I were given 10 million To go back to high school I wouldn't do it. Even if it were dollars. I'm serious. Okay, high school wasn't thaaaat bad, but it wasn't so nice to warrant a return for another four years. These young ones have pressure to pass exams, be cool kids, enjoy being young. They have put pressure on themselves to exceed expectations. It must not be easy. Parents of children in this age group must have it rough. There are children who go out, smoke and drink, then your child wants to join in. Having clean fun in the present day is not all that cool. As a parent you worry what your child is up to. The only reassurance you have is that the values you instilled in your child as they grew up will influence their decision making. Don't worry kids, I am not snitching. I do not even know what you get up to.

Then there are the kids in uni. Some parents just pray that their child graduates with a degree. I was told of a young person whose family came in bus loads, only for them to find out that the school fees they had been paying had gone to waste. I can't begin to imagine the heartbreak those parents went through, not to mention the embarrassment, noting that the whole village had come to see their child graduate. Granted, not all are like that, but these are not made up stories. The worry now is that your child does not come across the 'purple drank'. That is when you hope that your 3 am prayers have been heard and your child's guardian angel never sleeps.

A person will always be a child in their parents' eyes. That is why when you are down (even in that big age of yours) your parents are always ready to pick you up. Thank God for parents. Always giving. Constantly sacrificing their own comfort so that their children do not suffer. Appreciate your folks. One day you may find yourself there, wrinkled with worry, because your son left for the club and forgot to update on you on their well being. 😡

Note: Parent also includes guardian in this case😄