Romance in Relationships

I have always valued relationships. Now that I am well in my twenties, I see the benefits of having good relationships each and every day. The relationships I would like to discuss today are the romantic ones between opposite genders or similar ones for that matter (I do not discriminate).

My view on relationships I must confess has been largely influenced by the fairy tales I read and the countless romance movies I have been able to watch. Take Cinderella for instance, she was a humble lady who went through hell, and when the time was right she literally met her Prince Charming and they lived happily ever after. Then there is my favourite movie of all time "The Princess Diaries 1". In this set-up, Mia is a girl who feels invisible being raised by her mother (who's single), and even though she does not see her beauty before her transformation, Michael sees it and is entranced by her. They do not end up together in the sequel, but you get to see that the guy she thought was Prince Charming ( her mother referred to him as a Back Street Boy...lol) did not really have much to offer; and he broke her heart.

Perhaps, going by this I may be in over my head, with standards that are higher than Kim K's bum, but hear me out. Sorry, I just had to use that somewhere. The movies, novels and fairy tales with a happy ending are not at all misleading. They just show that love wins in the end but forget to highlight the misery both parties go through before they find each other and settle down. You will notice I have not included soap operas into that list. Honestly, those ones do not quite hit it home for me. Paloma, a girl from a poor family (pardon me, the politically correct term is humble background), meets Edmundo whose oxygen is store bought from Milan (okay, maybe not, but you get how rich he, or rather his family is). He takes an interest in this humble girl and they hit it off, but you find the mother of the guy hates the girl; and the father of the girl does not trust his intentions. Of course the man has a jilted lover from the past, and together all these obstacles make being together impossible, but in the end we find love conquers all. Pheeew! Call me weak, but honestly, Those obstacles are too many for one person to conquer alone. Besides, what are the odds that I shall be crossing the street and a rich man is buying airtime at a kiosk nearby, and all of a sudden he is so taken with me he is ready to disown his family inheritance to be with me? Quite honestly, the economy will not allow that to happen, and I possibly cannot be that lucky. Or can I?

The love story I have always had in my mind is one where I meet a man who loves God, is working on his career, loves his family and is ready to love and be loved. I have never really thought of where I would meet this person. Maybe God would just drop him from heaven at my doorstep. Lol! In turn he would find me growing my love for God, establishing my career, and ready to love the heck out of him. It is a no brainer that I love my family. Just so we are clear.

I appreciate the little things. Good morning texts; just so I know that he awoke with me in mind. A kiss on the cheek and a whisper in my ear of sweet nothings. A call in the middle of the day just because he wanted to hear my voice.

I can already see the men reading this grunt and harrumph in their seats; while the ladies wave their fists in the air with a "Oh hell yeah!" I have not mentioned candle lit dinners at that fancy restaurant which revolves at 360 degrees. I have not mentioned a flight to Dubai where we (read I) shop till I drop. These are just the small things that a girl would like to experience while in a relationship.

There are girls who will say that they do not care whether or not a guy calls her daily or texts her all the time. I say this with the utmost love, but those girls are not being true to themselves or their significant others. This is where I tell the men to text the ladies first. This is not a text at 1:00 am in the morning asking if they are awake. This just shows that you are bored and quite honestly places you in the category of a f**kboy. I am not supposed to swear. For those who are not yet acquainted with this term, it just means that guy who wastes your time by making you think you are in a relationship when in real sense he is just stringing you around. Many have written about this species, maybe if you are interested in hearing my side, you can let me know and I shall write something about them.

Communication is key in building a good relationship. Of course, it is understood that before you began dating that you were doing stuff without each other, so being in a relationship does not mean that you must be in each other's faces 24/7. However, it does mean that you make time to be with each other, and when you cannot, make use of technology and keep in touch. Neither party wants to look needy, but then again you do not want the other party to think you are not interested. If you are in a good, healthy relationship, then the guy does not have to text or call first. The girl can communicate first. She just has to be sure that she is not dating a f**kboy.

Take each moment as it comes. My heart sometimes is my worst enemy in matters relationships because I end up falling for a guy faster than he does. This has detrimental effects because you end up bending over backwards for the relationship to work. This is not healthy because one party is the one making the sacrifices while the other is just existing. If you find yourself being the one making the decisions in the relationship with little or no input from the other party, it is time to re-evaluate that relationship. You need to sit that brother down and ask him a few questions. Is he bored? Because if he is, and he does not want to work things out, then he better exit. Some people at this point may come in the man's defence, but I am of the view that once a man stops coming up with ideas of how to spend time together, and you seem to be doing all the work, take a sabbatical and let them also do the work. I also feel, however, that if it gets to this point you need to end things. It is not fair on either party.

I have heard that there are romantic men out there. Not only the ones who charter a plane and fly you over the Mara to propose, but your ordinary Joe, who value long walks as you watch the sunset, those who call you for spontaneous dinners or those who know you cannot pass off an opportunity for a picnic. These may cost almost nothing; others may require a small fee, but all that matters is that this romantic gesture is adding on to the relationship and making it stronger. You do not want to know how green with envy a lady's friends will go when they hear that after a dinner date you took her to a quiet spot where you could watch the stars. The little things are the ones which matter.

Build each other up; it will go a long way. I dare say that if you are a Christian, and your significant other is struggling in their faith, you can be able to bring that person to nurture their relationship with God, and more often than not, you may end up together till death do you part. Even though you do not, there will be a special place in their heart for you because of this positive change you brought upon them. I once dated a guy who took me out for dinner, and just before he let me get into the house (he dropped me home); he looked into my eyes, and he told me, "I need you to promise me one thing." I was a bit nervous, he could tell from my shaky voice, but I managed to say a feeble, "Whaa-t...?" He went on to say, "I want you to believe in yourself. I don't want you to focus on what other people say about you. I want it to be me and you; no matter what..." I could see the tears begin to form in the corner of his eyes as he said those words, and I reached out to wipe them as I wiped my own. This man had seen my insecurities but had looked past them. He had hit a nerve no one else ever had. He hugged me tight and kissed me on the forehead. I had never had someone kiss me on the forehead. I told him as much. So he kissed my forehead again and said he was the first; kissed it a second time and said he was the second; and kissed it a third time and said he was the third. The number 3. Very symbolic. He picked me up when I was always putting myself down. And even as I held his waist in this warm embrace I knew I had found him; my soulmate. Yeah, that did not happen. But it is good to dream...Prince Charming, I hope you are reading this. You do get my point though, When your relationship is healthy, you build each other up and you are happy as you  go through the many milestones in your lives.

Romance in relationships does not have to be sexual. That is why young Christian couples face so much turmoil in their relationships. They do not know what to do with each  other in order to show affection. I read a book "Mission-Master-Mate" where they discouraged young couples from kissing; so you need not ask what their take on copulation was. The little things that each person does in their relationship is what contributes to affection and more so romance. I do not claim to have all the answers, but I do have an opinion. There are things I may not have touched on today, hopefully I shall do a sequel on this another time if you, my readers agree.

Peace and Love
xoxo