MY IDEA OF MARRIAGE

Two Sundays ago, the Preacher of the day was speaking about “Launching into the Deep”. Since it was a week or two into people having made their new year’s resolutions, he was quick to remind those who "were not lucky enough" to get a suitable (pronounced sweetable-don't make that face...it is true) mate the past year, that they still had hope. Yes, there is a 'but'. They had to get out of their comfort zone and be "out there".

Another member of the Clergy mentioned how ladies plan for marriage from the time they are able to fathom what it is, and the thing that is usually missing in this mix is usually a man. So even before the guy thinks of marriage, he is already being waltzed all the way to the altar! This is not a bad thing, however, how come the female is usually so very prepared for marriage, yet the male species seems to think marriage is unnecessary? I will admit that these days, chastity is not taken as seriously as it was in the years of yore...Men have said it time and time again, if he will get a woman to clean his house, wash his clothes, cook for him and give him the conjugals, he will not even bother to put a ring on it. Seven years and three children later, a lady is begging her man to make their union official, and the man is left wondering what she wants, because according to him, everything is perfect; couldn't be better.

Anyway, I digress.

I have always wanted to get married. I have been raised in a single parented family; I am an only child, and therefore having a husband and many kids is one thing I will admit to being curious to, and want or rather, dying to have.

Cinderella wedding

Let us not get started about that one day in my life that will be all about me. My birthday is one other such day, but I am sure you get where I am coming from. Shopping for the perfect dress-a special friend of mine told me that a dress picks the wearer, and that my figure certainly flatters the dresses I wear. With all the fashion trends going on, I do not yet have a dress in mind; but one thing is for sure: lace is definitely not involved. I will hire a wedding planner, just so that my special day is not ruined by the stresses that come with it. But then again, insufficient funds are what bring about the pressure. Whoever said that money gives you options must have had it in abundance.

Wedding Night

It is all about consummation. I shall not have waited my whole life for this night just to get disappointed. Moving on…

Getting Kids

I love children, and they love me too.

If it were possible to have a whole football team I would. But I think a mini- basketball team will not hurt. As I had said earlier, growing up being the only child was tough. I had no one to stand up for me when I was being picked on in school, and guess what in church- Sunday school actually. It was lonely. I learnt how to make friends, my cousins have been like my brothers and sisters, but really, it is not the same as having your own brother or sister there for you and even having the sibling rivalry. No teacher will come to a class to come teach you what you learn in the everyday lessons you get when spending time with your siblings. So yeah, I want to have four kids: two boys and two girls. However way they arrange themselves is okay, as long as I have them. I will love them and pamper them and oh yes-spoil them rotten!

My Husband

This is one guy who will be very patient to put up with me, and the good thing is that it will pay off. 

Ugandan women are said to make the best wives, because, not only are they good in bed, but they know how to make their men happy. They are the whole package of this Bible 
Verse: 

1Peter 3:1

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.

This is exactly what I plan to be-submissive. I will not argue with him. I will listen to all he has to say. I will listen to his ideas, and even when I think they will not work, I shall not pour cold water on him, I will offer my support and my  love. I want to be that wife who makes her husband long to get back home. I know that it is not easy. You may even say that I am naïve. But my heart refuses to agree that this cannot be done. When my husband parks his car in the garage, and opens the door that leads to the house, and just like that hubby in the 80s movies used to say, he says the words, “Honey, I am home!”

I want to make him feel welcomed. I want him to tell me how his day was. And even though I do not understand the nitty gritties of his work, I want him to see how proud I am of him and what he is doing. If he had the worst day at work, I want to be the one who will put a smile on his face and make him feel that tomorrow will be his best day ever.

I want to be his friend, his confidante, his lover, his cheerleader, his sunshine, oh, I could put so many things on this list, but what I am trying to say is, no one will love this man more than I.

I want to grow old with this man. In most marriages, the fire dies out, because the man and woman realize too late in life that they were not in love, and sometimes, it is because as children come along, sex may become hard for them: especially the wife. Articles have been written about how either the man or the woman feigns a head ache when he or she is not “in the mood”. It is quite funny, because this same couple who cannot now stand each other, were grossing other people out with their PDAs and it would be easier for them to tell you which part of their house had not been used as a bedroom than for them to count the places which have. I hope I; we do not get there…because if it does, it means I lose my Love to another woman, and it will mean getting kicked to the kerb, awaiting my death.

Yes, I take infidelity that seriously. Even though we try to pretend, the morality in our country is soon going to be like the one we see or hear about in America, that is, if we are not already there by now. I am not trying to be hateful, but the culture in Africa had always been conservative, the care-free attitude the Mzungu has is good, but is bad to the moral fabric.

A Letter to My love

My dear husband, wherever you are, you will be my King and I, your Queen. I will respect you, love you, support you and be that kind of woman you thought of but never thought you could have.

So what do I want in return? I want you to love me. Tell me your heart’s desires, and I will tell you mine. I want your respect, your support. I want you to tell me that my ass looks big in the dress I just put on, but you like it that way anyway. I want you to be honest with me. Tell me I put too much pepper in the food and the water you asked for was to keep you from letting out the flames that were the heat in your mouth.

Tell me that I embarrassed you at that dinner, and it will take time for you to live it down, and you will consider taking me out again. Tell me your fears, and I will tell you mine. If you ever feel like I have pushed you away, do not let me allow you to be comforted by another. Cling to me and I promise you will never have to feel that way again. I am sure the arguments are inevitable, but please, do not let them get out of hand, because even though in my anger, I say something that I will live to regret, the fact still remains I love you.

When I say these words:

Till death do us part

I mean it. Whatever challenges we face cannot and will not be too big for the both of us to handle. From the children to the food and clothes, school fees, the economy even, my mother-in-law, your mother-in law, all these and many more, we will handle them-together. When the children are off to college or even married, it will be just us. I hope you will still enjoy my company the same way you did when we were younger; because you know what, I will never get tired of yours.

Love.

 Your wife.

My idea of marriage is like a fairy tale. Notice I did not say I want a tall, dark and handsome guy. (I may have had D B Woodside in mind when I was typing that but Lord knows he is fiiiiine!!)  I did not talk of physical attributes, because for my life-long partner, I want someone who will treat me right. That man who I can flaunt to my friends, and they go green with envy because he is so good to me. There are many parts I have left out, but I know this can happen, and it shall happen to me. I serve a big God, He never lets me down. So now let me get to waiting for my Prince Charming.

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