Girl in the USA...continued II

Today is Father's Day and social media is awash with pictures and tweets and posts dedicated to fathers. Some are from sons and daughters who are thanking their fathers for being there and doing what they have to get them to where they are. Others are praising mothers for playing the role absentee fathers did not. This post is not a dad bashing one...I promise! For those who religiously follow Biko Zulu's blog on Father's Day. He captured it quite well. I couldn't have put it better myself.

Today I woke up and since I didn't go to church I lazed through the day and said I would reveal what I decided with my own father. I am currently living with two fathers- my uncle and grandfather. These men have been there for their families. Hats off to them for all they have done and all that they are. It was bugging me how my grandfather's bed was always unmade, so today I straightened it up for him and folded his clothes. Then the first thing he did upon reaching the house was reprimand everyone for oversleeping and refusing to go to church. That was okay, until he said, "Inyûi mûtïgiûrîo wî mwa kû nî ûrîa mûnorire." ( You cannot be asked where you are from. You're just fat like the Americans) I could feel the tears sting my eyes. That was so painful to hear. My mom was cool about it, but I couldn't even bring myself to look at him. If I did, I probably would have burst into tears. 

Anyone who knows me knows how much I struggle with my weight and this comment was just heartbreaking...but I digress. This post was about what I decided to do. Do I contact him or not?

The short story is that I decided that I would not contact this man who shares my DNA. I was going to use something more harsh then I remembered today is Sunday...hehe. 

I came to this decision based on fear and self righteousness. Let me explain.

1. I wondered how he would react to knowing he had another child. (After all these years, he possibly could not not have other children) 

2. Perhaps he would think I wanted something from him (money...yeah that's just about it) another mouth to feed...he wouldn't want that!

3. I feared his wife would see the letter and it would never reach him (this is a stretch...she's probably the nicest woman on earth)

4. If he wanted anything to do with me he would/should have kept in touch. (This is where the self righteousness comes in..Looool!)

5. I could not bear the rejection...again! Ain't nobody got time for dat! ( I just had to put this somewhere...haha) 

I won't say the curiosity isn't there. It is. I am just not ready to open that can o' worms!

Happy  Fathers' Day to all those who have that title. To my Heavenly Father, thanks for everything. You are just awesome!

I'll just enjoy the rest of my holiday. It's actually four days to my birthday...

*Author's note: I love my grandfather. Any  eating disorders read anorexia I get will not be caused by him...loool! Who am I  kidding? I cannot get an eating disorder. I love food! Maybe a little too much. But that's a story for another day...