When God Answers Your Prayers

I was taught in Sunday School that when you pray to God, He gives you one of three answers: Yes, No and Wait. As I grow older, my relationship with God has continued to grow, but the one thing I know I haven't learnt how to do is know when God speaks to me or how He speaks to me. There are those pastors who will stand before a congregation and say how as they were meditating on God's word, God spoke to them. My initial reaction is usually....

And then I get super jealous (of course in a nice way) because I would also like to hear God's voice. Others say how God told them in a dream that something good is happening et cetera, and I'm like "Reaaaallllllyyyy?" I would like God to speak to me. Hata kama ni kutuma mtu na message yangu, that is what I would like.

So after a series of heart-breaks and failed attempts at relationships, clever me decided to just take a break and enjoy being single. I talked to God and told Him that I have decided to be single, and the man He has planned for me can come later, like the following year and so on. God and I have this relationship where we just talk. Okay, so I am the one who does the talking. Sometimes I am laying ultimatums (It can get intense) Or I am just crying my heart out to Him and telling Him to deal with this pain or other because I can't....you know, it is a conversation because I imagine God listening to me, watching me cry, then comforting me and giving me a solution. Or just looking at me in disbelief like," I made you, how is it you are talking to me like this?!!" Like I said, pretty intense.  This time round, it was me giving up. I told God, "You know what. I am staying unmarried for the rest of my life. It is not a must I have a male companion. Aki  God I am tired." I ended the conversation by telling God that I am still waiting for His will to be done in my life. And maybe that is when He took a cue to answer my prayers.

I had told God that if I do decide to get into a relationship, I would want a tall, dark and handsome man. Yes, I love me some dark chocolate. Wink. Anyway, I told God that I would like a man who has a good relationship with Him, and one who will love me. I may have added that I want a guy who will jealously guard me. Cringe.  Yeah, desperate times my people, desperate times. I wanted a man who was financially stable, and even if he was not there yet, someone who knew what he wanted in life and how to get there. Wuuuueeehh!! Haya...

God, in His awesome splendour, sent me a man. He had all the qualities I was looking for. I had to pause and thank God for this moment.  The first thing I did was tell God, "You remember I was trying to enjoy being single, right?" This guy was too good to be true. This man was exactly what I was looking for. I remember telling God to confirm whether this was The One, because whuaaatt?! It was too awesome. Remember, I still have not established how God speaks to me. So I tell Him, "God, if this guy is not for me, please take him far away from me and let him not talk to me again." But alas! This man remains steadfast and he is very serious. All ladies know that when a guy talks about settling down without being forced, (without you even asking), you know he is ready and you are not forcing him to do anything he does not want to. I know what you are thinking, I am young, what am I doing thinking about settling down? At the time, I thought I was ready. I decided to take a chance with this guy. I opened my heart out to him, and I was vulnerable.

It is at that point of vulnerability, that I believe he saw, that he broke me in a way that I never thought was humanly possible. I will not go into the nitty gritties of what transpired, but I shall tell you that God indeed has a sense of humour. Looking back at that time, how love-struck I was, I usually just ask myself whether that man sent by God or sent by an evil spirit. If he were sent by God, he was sent to teach me a few lessons. One: that I am not ready to settle down. Two: it is not my portion to raise another woman's baby. He had a baby daughter. I remember telling God that this was not how I had foreseen starting a family, but if He spoke to me and told me that this guy was the one, I was ready to make that sacrifice. Three: relationships are not supposed to be about suffering and insomnia. They are supposed to add more life and happiness. Four: God is not rushed and His blessings are also not rushed. I jumped into that relationship telling myself, perhaps trying to convince myself that I would miss out on this chance if I did not take it. And that is the reason I still stay even when I know something or a relationship is not good for me. I keep asking "what if..."

On the other hand, if he were sent by a spirit...let's not go there. I would rather think God sent him. I am still learning how God speaks to me. It is that personal experience that when I get it, I shall just be the happiest of all creation. Learn how God speaks to you. It will save you a lot of heart ache.