The Day She Realised Her Worth

"I loved this man."

"I really did love him. He did a good number on me. How could I have been so stupid?"

Stephanie was atop a bar stool as she spoke to her friend, Melanie. She took her glass, swirled the brown-green liquid a bit and the ice crackled as it hit the sides of the glass. She took a small sip and looked to her friend for comfort.

Melanie looked at her and told her, "Wipe away those tears, girl. You know he isn't worth it." She looked at her friend with sympathy. She could not imagine what her friend was going through. She was, however, angered that the tears her friend was shedding were caused by a man. They had vowed to never cry because of a man ever since Martin happened. 

Martin was Stephanie's ex boyfriend. He had made that woman cry so many times that you would have been forgiven to think he was related to the onion family. The thing with him was that he did not commit to Stephanie, but he made her feel as if she should, so there was always this back and forth where Stephanie would take the role of his girlfriend, and then get ignored; or  she would act as though she didn't have any, ignore the bastard then get admonished for it. 

Yes, the classic f***boy.

Stephanie had fallen prey to Martin's charm. She knew better, but she stayed giving him a chance thinking that perhaps she was being hasty. When she sat down and saw that she was not in a relationship with the guy, she broke all ties and she vowed never to be that girl again, up until she met Michael.

Every girl has a list that has the qualities she is looking for in a man. This man Michael fit the bill, at first glance. He was handsome. He had such lovely eyes, that Stephanie often just fell apart every time he looked at her. His smile, oh his smile! It cured whatever bad things were going on in Stephanie's day. He was not the 6' tall guy she was hoping to get, but his height was just perfect enough for them to look good together. He was dark in complexion. Not too dark. Like milk chocolate. She loved that in a man. This man just fit the cliché. She didn't mind. He was perfect!

It seems as though Stephanie did not look through her list again because she compromised on the very things she had told herself she would stand for. She just could not say no to him. That should have been a sign. A sign that he wasn't good for her. He was a Psychology major who did not practice his trade. Instead he worked in the media industry with his own business on the side. What brought food to the table was Michael's voice. His bass was deep enough to get both the ladies' and men's attention, and was just as smooth to keep them listening. It was, therefore, no surprise that he talked for a living. He dabbled as an MC when he could. 

Michael was a private person. He wouldn't call himself an introvert, but he was the one who brought life to the party. The party started when he arrived. He came into Stephanie's life when she wasn't really looking for a relationship. If anything, she just wanted to be single. She was tired of dealing with men who did not want to commit yet they expected her to do the same. 

This is why she was endeared to Michael. He wasted no time in telling her he was looking for a serious relationship. He wasn't looking for anything physical; he just wanted to love and be loved. It was too good to be true. She knew there was something he was up to, because from experience not many men said things like that. Especially to her. She told herself that she had spent too much time with boys. She needed to move on to men. Men who knew what they wanted and categorically stated it. They did not waste time. Theirs nor hers.

The drink in Stephanie's glass remained untouched as she listened to Melanie talk some sense into her. She knew the story. What the man had done. She knew what her friend was feeling. If any woman had gone through what Stephanie had in the past few months, she would be in the same state she was. Broken. No excuses. Just broken. 

Michael had a way with words no man in Stephanie's life had. The British accent he had when he spoke did not do any good because who isn't a sucker for accents anyway? The accent was not fake, if you're wondering. Michael was from a well off family and had spent a number of years in the UK, and so by default had acquired the said accent. He was quite the charmer so he knew when to put on the accent. It wasn't forced. Neither was it planned. It was probably practised, which is why it felt so natural.

Sweet nothings. If there was ever a time Stephanie had heard of them, it was when she spent time with Michael. Every time they were together. He always said something that made her heart skip a beat, and almost always she giggled like a silly girl with a high school crush. That's how he made her feel. Like a girl with a crush. He was so up there and she was so down here. It was like he was doing her a favour by blessing her with his presence. Only she did not see that at the time. No, not when she was with him. He would take her hand and kiss it then look deep in her eyes and tell her, "I'll do anything for you. Just ask...." Another time he would say to her, "I'd go through anything for you; HIV, cancer, I'd go through it with you..." A rather odd thing to say. But the tone he said those words with and the sad look he had in his eyes, made Stephanie think that he was sincere and he meant it.

"That guy used you. He played you and you fell right into his trap." Melanie said after a sip from her Martini. "He is a Psychology major...and on top of that he is a conniving man. He knew just the right words to say to get you to fall into his trap!" 

"I realize that now. But why was I so stupid? How could I not say no to him. I mean, I'm better than that. I know what I want. What was it about him that made me stay?"

"Sweetheart, everyone knows you're a sucker when it comes to love. You love to love and be loved. He said he loved you, but when did he ever prove that he loved you?"

Melanie was right. Michael had a way of manipulating things to work in his favour. They only ever met in his office, and that totaled three minutes at most, because he had to get back to work. He never suggested that they go out for lunch, coffee or dinner anywhere because he could not spend five minutes without being 'accosted' by fans. Even though she did not believe that, he wasn't that famous anyway, she accepted it. She was reduced to meeting him at his house or hers. Yeah, she was that girl. When did she become that girl? Was she that desperate to be loved that she had to compromise on so many things? She was a booty call. Even though she tried to deny it by justifying that he referred to her as his girlfriend, she still was a bootycall. Had she met any of these friends he had supposedly told of their relationship? No. Had he met any of hers either? Well, no...he was still in the testing stage. Then why in the world did she think that she had a boyfriend?

"He is a glorified f***boy. He has no regard for feelings unless they are his own. He will not trust you but expect you to trust him. Did you not tell me that he once drunk dialled you from the club and said how  there are so many girls after you, but he loves you and won't cheat on you? Why did he not extend the invite ? And what's with you and guys who drunk dial you anyway?" They laughed. Stephanie did have a history of men who declared undying love only when they had had some Dutch courage. It is like she carried with her a mark that said, "Loves to be drunk dialled." She rolled her eyes. It was not as though this one was her first heartbreak. She had been through many of those in her lifetime. Yet this one cut like a dagger through the heart.

"You are so becoming my Mrs." Michael said as he buttoned up his shirt. Stephanie was thrilled. Could he have just said what she thought he did? "Yeah, I'm serious. I love you so much Babe." He pulled her on top of him and kissed her softly. The things this man made her feel and do...

They talked about building a future together. "I will make you so happy. All those people who made you feel inadequate, when they see you with me..." There it was. His god complex.  Although Stephanie did not realise it until that moment she was with her friend. 

"I realise my mistake Mel. I was looking to feel complete in a man. I thought I would find happiness in a man. That's why when he said all these things to me I felt so good, but he really didn't mean any of it. I was played Mel. I was..." Stephanie broke into a fresh bout of tears. She broke away from the hug her friend had instantly given her and took a long swig of her drink. It stung her throat a bit but she swallowed every last drop. She stared ahead at nothing in particular. Her friend looked at her awaiting her next move. Stephanie blinked as if to remind herself of where she was and then she looked at her friend. "Mel, you are such a gem..." She turned to the bar tender and said,"Gary, pour us another round! I'm done crying over a useless lowlife. I deserve so much better..." 

Stephanie had cried her eyes out over that man. She did not even want to remember his name. Today she drowned her sorrows in alcohol. Today she would forget his existence and move on. Today she was liberated; she would never go back to that dark place ever again.