DATE THE MAN YOUR MOTHER PRAYED FOR
A few weeks back, as my mother and I were on our way home, I
happened to ask how BSF was, and she was very quick to mention that her BSF
leader had told them that parents should begin to pray for their
children’s
future spouses at birth.
These prayers will not be about the physical. I am sorry if
you had already pictured how your future husband would be D.B. Woodside’s twin,
although if you do get such a guy, thank your stars! These prayers will be
about this man’s heart, his character and how he acts towards you. However, most, if not all girls, have this checklist
where they want a guy who I tall, dark and handsome. In addition to that, they
want him financially stable so that he can support her shopping addiction. This is all fine and dandy, but do you want to
be the girl who brags how Jerry took her
to Jo’burg and bought her this 5 carat ring, when at night he is battering you
senseless as though the beating you received growing up was not enough?
I am writing this from a point where there is a need, for
lack of a better word, to have a guy by your side, and a good one at that. Peer
pressure to be in a relationship. It gets worse when your age mates are getting
married when you cannot remember the last time you had a date! This post is
more like a checklist to see how your man is fairing in the “walking-you
–down-the-aisle department”.
Your man should
love you
Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)
Husbands love your
wives, just as Christ loved the church...
I had to quote scripture just to show how important this
love of your husband is. A story had been going round of how a girl in my
school was being beaten by her boyfriend who is also a student at school. They
lived together, and she literally did everything that married couples do.
Unfortunately for her, the dude decided to discipline her “to show how much he
loves her”. I had a discussion with my BFF, about this and I happened to
mention how if a man so much as raised his hand, I would not wait around to see
if he were swatting a fly or displaying “his love” for me. My BFF told
me that most women do not have the strength to leave, because by that time he
is beating her, he has already made her swallow the fact that she is worthless
and that she is worth nothing, and she believes it, because she now has no
self-esteem. He has somehow convinced her that his violence towards her is a
sign of how much he loves her. My two cents is this, love is not supposed to be
painful. Your man’s love should motivate you to live another day. It does not
mean that you will not argue or quarrel, but it will never end up in verbal or
physical abuse. Love is not about facing criminal charges. It is about making a
little heaven on earth.
So, young lady, if your man makes you get your pillow wet each
night with tears, you need to lose him ASAP!
Your man should
respect you
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and edify one another,
just as you are doing.
My conservative mind tells me that men should be the ones to
make the first move. These days, it has become the other way around, but
surely, if you are the one always calling to find out how he is doing, or even
making plans on where your next date should be, honey, make a beeline for that
door and never look back. That is a sign that you are one of the many girls he
talks to and flirts with, and when he talks to you he just wants to know when
you can come for a sleepover and make him feel like Superman. If you love
yourself, cut ties with that man immediately, because even though we do not
like to admit it, women attach emotions to sex, so that heartbreak is really
not worth it-he is not worth it. Your man should understand boundaries. If you
are the girl who believes that you will keep chaste till your wedding night, do
not allow him to change your mind, unless he has plans of putting a ring on it.
Why? You might have been a bet he made
with his boyz, about how long it would take to bed you. So, after you lose your
cherry, he will be bragging to his pals about how easy a lay you were, and you
will be there killing yourself with questions about why he is not calling or
texting. Kumbe you were the flava
of the week. He said he needed
you. Not emotionally. It was all physical. I will never forget an interview
where Tina Kaggia said that a lady should not see a man’s ceiling until she has
met his family. This made a lot of sense, because if you are yet to meet his
friends, let alone his family, and you have
hopes of making this young man settle down, then girl, you are highly
mistaken.
Your man should be
your rock
Needy men are not sexy, and there is no day they will ever
be, maybe unless hell freezes over. I once had an admirer who had been in hot
pursuit for four years, and never got tired. This guy was extraordinary,
because if it were an ordinary guy, he would have walked away and tried to move
on, but this guy was relentless. He had already seen his future wife. I am sure
he had already pictured a house full of kids and so much love, but there was
one thing that was off about this guy. He was too much of a mummy’s boy. In
addition to him begging me to give him a chance, he was a mummy’s… Pardon me,
it just makes me angry when I think of this guy, because of course things ended
badly, with him catching feelings, but really, a man is supposed to be the
backbone of the relationship. Now, if both of you are the woman in the relationship, what happens? Okay, this sounds bad, but
seriously, if the man cannot make you feel protected, then girl, you need to
reevaluate. He does not have to be Hulk Hagen for him to protect you. He just
has to be the one with the voice of reasoning, so that if you make emotional
decisions, he makes the rational ones, and therefore you complement each other.
I borrowed this from Joyce Meyer when she mentioned in her book Battlefield of the Mind, how she wanted
her husband to buy a lake house where they could go reflect, and the children
would have a place to play and have fun at, but he was looking at how much
effort it would take to take care of that house, and she finally got to
understand from his point of view. You need someone to wear the trousers in the
relationship, so to speak. If they had bought the house, they would have had no
time to put the work required to keep the house in good condition. In the same
way, when your man is your rock, you have no worry because you have a
confidant, someone you trust enough to make the right decisions. Of course, he
is not always right, but his life choices have always had a positive impact, so
you can already see the success you two are going to have.
Your man should
not have baggage
If your man has a baby mama, that is drama you do not need.
I met a guy who had one. Apparently, that lady had agreed to go away in peace
and let him live his life. As a student of the Law, I could not help but have
this sunken feeling that she would change her mind and say that she still loved
him, and because she had his baby, she was entitled to a lion’s share of his
property, love and attention. This did not auger well with me, so when one time
he went silent on me and he said that he was talking to his sister, I got
suspicious and made up my mind that I would end whatever it was we were trying
to have. It was clearly not meant to be. I mean, unless it is an emergency, who
talks to his married sister at 11pm?? What is this you are talking about that
cannot wait for an appropriate time the following day? I took the advice Dr.
Cupid gives on her column to those who write to her on her column in the
Standard newspaper, and took to the
hills!
Your man should
appreciate you
You may not be Miss Universe, but your man should see you as
such. I have had the displeasure of having a guy who I had turned down on many
occasions tell me that I was not “all that”. This was a case of the hare and
the sour grapes because he could not reach them, because soon after he told me
that, he changed his mind and declared undying love. Ladies, you do not want
such a man in your life. You need all the cheerleaders you can get, not jeer
leaders. (Okay, this is farfetched, but you get the point.)
Another kind of man you may want to avoid is that one who is
always too far from his phone. This is to say that, he will see that you tried
to call or text, but getting back to you is the least of his priorities. I know
it is hard, especially when the guy is the one who has captured your
everything, but really he is not that into you. If talking to him will not
change anything, then do either of two things:
- Suck it up and deal with it
- Count your losses and go
I recommend the second option. It hurts, but you will get
someone who appreciates the need for communication.
Your man should be
an awesome kisser
I had never met a bad kisser until recently, when some guy
decided he could not resist getting a taste of my lips. I did not kiss back,
because all the while I was thinking what it was he was doing. It felt like his
teeth were biting my upper lip and his tongue…okay, I am still too disgusted to
talk about it. To make matters worse, this guy had mentioned how he previously
had a clingy, insecure girlfriend. After such a kiss, I wondered what this girl
was clinging to, because if his kiss was that bad, imagine how he would be in bed…I
think I just puked a little in my mouth..
Money should not
be the determining factor
I can already see the ladies roll their eyes, and the men
shout a “Yeeeeeesss!!!” in victory. When you look at it, most couples build
their wealth together, even those who are born in the money. Your man may have
enough money to buy you everything under the sun, but ask yourself what would
happen if the money got finished. Would he still be appealing to you? Or would
you remember that he is more fearfully than wonderfully made? This is where you
ask yourself whether you want a man for the short-tem or the long-term. For each,
you know which man you shall pick.
This list is far from exhaustive, but I had to put down some
of my thoughts. I am still battling with some of these that I have mentioned,
but hopefully, I shall learn to take my own advice.
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